Left Alone
by peytona05
Summary: Told from Mr. Tumnus' POV, our favorite faun discovers that we are never completely separated from those we love. Continued in response to sailormoon1982's request.
1. Christmas Eve

It was a sad day in Narnia when our rulers left us. They had been with us for so long, and they had ruled over us justly and fairly. And although I knew that my fellow Narnians and I would be safe under Aslan's care, as we always had been, I was still hurt that Queen Lucy would leave without so much as telling me that she would be going away.

On Christmas Eve, I spoke of the matter to my neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Beaver. "Have you ever been curious as to what happened to them?"

They glanced at one another before they turned their gaze to me. "What do you mean?" Mr. Beaver wanted to know.

I almost held my tongue. I had worried for quite some time as to whether my affection for Queen Lucy had been noticeable, and by exposing my reason for wondering, I feared that it would become obvious.

"Queen Lucy and the others. They left without saying goodbye. I can't help but wonder where they went that day."

Mrs. Beaver placed her paw upon my arm. "Are you still thinking of her? Let it go, Tumnus; she's not coming back."

I pulled my arm back. "Thinking of whom? I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."

Mrs. Beaver gingerly picked up a painting of Queen Lucy, done the Christmas before. I kept it on a table by my fireplace. "Don't think it wasn't clear what you felt for her. Each time you were together, you looked on Queen Lucy with such tenderness and fondness you've never shown to anyone else in Narnia. There were moments when we were curious, at first, for we cared for them, just as loyal subjects should. But it was fate that brought them to us, and it was fate that took them away. Some things just aren't meant to be. Please, Tumnus, for your sake and for Lucy's, don't wish for things to be anything other than what they are."

I pondered her words for a moment. "What if we were able to find a way into their world? They were able to come here from Spare Oom. Do you suppose we could go there?"

Mr. Beaver echoed his wife's advice. "Don't tempt fate. Things are sometimes better the way they are. This may be one of them. If you find a way to go to Lucy, you may be sorry for trying to be someone to her that you can't be. I beg of you, be content with your life, Tumnus. If you and Lucy are meant for one another, fate will return her to you."

We discussed the matter no more, but I couldn't shake the thought from my mind: Would it really be possible to go into another world, and find my Queen? The Beavers' advice had always been extremely valuable to me, but I cared so deeply for Lucy that she was nearly all I ever thought of. Did I dare forget the matter of ever finding her again, and simply "let it go", as Mrs. Beaver had put it? Would I really want to spend the rest of my days knowing that I had something in common with the one issue that made my heart sick--left alone? I knew my neighbors were right in telling me to wait; _how long, though?_ I wondered.

I hung my stocking for Father Christmas, and as I walked past Queen Lucy's painting, I paused to gaze upon her face. I whispered, to my friend almost as much as to myself, "I have tried so hard to be good this year, but I don't believe he can bring me what I want. Come back to me soon, my Queen."


	2. Lucy's Birthday Party

I was awakened the following morning by the sound of scuffling feet in my den. Knowing that my expected company wasn't due for at least another two hours, I quietly rose from bed and retrieved my umbrella, which I kept nearby in case I needed to protect myself.

Slowly opening my bedroom door, I didn't recognize what I saw. What should have been my sitting room was now a hallway. Walking to the opposite end of the corridor, I peeked around the corner in order to gain a better understanding of my new surroundings. The sounds that had awakened me were indeed scuffling feet; birthday decorations were being hung up. But what really surprised me was _who_ those feet belonged to. They were the feet of Queen Lucy's older siblings--King Peter, Queen Susan, and King Edmund!

I subconsciously inhaled, because what I immediately noticed was that they were no longer adults. They looked just as they had when they first arrived in Narnia. By the time I realized that I'd been heard, it was too late for me to hide.

"Mr. Tumnus?" The eldest Majesty peered curiously at me. "What are you doing here?"

"_How_ did you get here?" Queen Susan questioned.

I bowed in reverence to my rulers, as was the custom in my homeland. "I'm not sure. I left my bedroom this morning and found myself here." I paused to look around the room. "If I may ask, what are you doing?"

King Edmund quietly responded, "Lucy's birthday is today, and we are celebrating. Would you care to join us?"

I knew only too well what he was doing. Edmund the Just had never completely forgiven himself for betraying me to the White Witch the way he had. As I watched him grow and mature in Narnia, he had often tried to make up for what he had done by showing me special attention. After being informed by Lucy that it was Edmund's way of "doing penance", I tried not to let it bother me, and, in turn, included him in some of the plans that I had made with Lucy. I wanted him to know that I had forgiven him, whether or not he had forgiven himself.

Smiling, I nodded. "Yes, very much. May I?"

Her Majesty took me by the arm. "Of course you may! You're more than welcome. And you will be the perfect gift for her; she will be so surprised to see you!"

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

King Peter shook his head negatively. "We're nearly finished. Return to the hallway and hide there until you hear her come in."

I did as I was asked. Waiting in the passageway, I wondered how my Queen would react when she saw me. My dream had come true at last; Lucy was finally coming back into my life. I swore to myself that no matter what, I wouldn't let her go this time.

Voices in the other room brought me back to reality. "...Don't open them yet, Lu. We have a special surprise for you." I took that as my cue and entered from the hallway. "Okay...now."

Never had I received a more excited hug. Having Queen Lucy's arms wrap around my neck was such a welcome feeling, and in that moment I knew that I would hang onto her for all eternity, if at all possible.

"I can't believe you're here! What are you doing here? How come you aren't in Narnia?"

I shrugged. "Well, as I understand it, you're having a birthday, and I'm here to celebrate it with you."

In Narnia, anytime I spent time with the Pevensies, for whatever reason I never thought I fit in with them. Perhaps it was because I was jealous something they had that I did not--a family. The fact that I didn't look like them also may have had something to do with it. But what I felt worst about was the fact that I had three sets of standards I felt I had to live up to in order to court Queen Lucy.

Whatever the cause may have been, that same feeling was there during Lucy's party, though I did my best to mask my emotions. However, I must have been doing a very poor job, for while Queen Susan and King Peter were setting the gifts before their sister, King Edmund approached me and said, "She cared for you, you know. Lucy wanted to go back, and she tried so many times, but each time she went to the wardrobe, Narnia wasn't there...only the wooden back. After we left, she wasn't the same. Lucy no longer laughed, and her eyes didn't sparkle, because you weren't there to bring a light into her life. Tumnus, I'm not sure how you got here, but I'm glad you did. This is the first time since we returned to our own world that Lucy has been truly happy."

His Majesty began to wander over to the table where his siblings had settled, but stopped when he noticed I wasn't following. Turning to face me, he motioned for me to join them. "Tumnus, come and sit down."

"Yes, please!" Queen Lucy pleaded. "There's an empty chair next to mine; sit with me, Mr. Tumnus."

When it came to the youngest Pevensie, _no_ had never been in my vocabulary, so I made my way to the indicated seat. Once I had settled myself, the young Queen began to unwrap the brightly-colored parcels in front of her. I vaguely noticed that my gaze upon her face softened as she delighted over each gift. King Edmund had suggested that he had very much missed her cheefulness; I wondered if he knew we had something in common.

Lucy soon finished unwrapping her birthday gifts, and the celebration continued with some failed attempts at teaching me how to play human party games. As the party began to end, I knew that I should be heading home in order to prepare for the Beavers' visit, but somehow I just couldn't tear myself away from Lucy. So desperate to prolong my time with her, I agreed to assist her in carrying her newly acquired items to her room.

I followed closely behind her, and as I entered her small space of solitude, I noticed something on her bed. Snuggled against her pillow was a worn teddy bear. He was short an eye and several patches of fur were missing. I set her packages down on the opposite end of her bed and gingerly picked the toy up.

"Mr. Tumnus, meet Rupert. He was a gift from my father on my first birthday. He goes everywhere with me; it makes me feel as though my father is very near."

I smiled softly at my friend. "Will you see your father again soon?"

Lucy only shrugged. "Whenever this dreadful war is over, I hope."

Glancing at the small plaything in my hands, I gently handed Rupert over to his owner. "Here. You look as though you could use this."

I left her in her room and headed back downstairs to retrieve the remaining gifts. Just before I reached the entrance to the dining hall, I heard the voices of her siblings, and I stopped short. I listened carefully to what was being said.

"Ed, you know she can't go back. Surely the war will end soon, and how would we explain to Mother and Father the return of only three of their children?" King Peter inquired harshly.

"Besides," Queen Susan chimed in, "we don't even know if she would automatically return to her adult body. If she did leave for Narnia, what if she had to grow up all over again?"

I heard their brother sigh heavily. "But what about her happiness? Today was the first time since we left Narnia that I've seen Lucy smile, and it meant the world for me. And didn't either of you see how Tumnus was watching her? He's in love with her, and has missed Lucy every bit as much as she has missed him. I want Lucy to be happy, Peter; that will only happen if she's in Narnia with Tumnus."

"She needs to be with her family, Edmund." There was a pause. "I don't want to hear another word about it. Listen, Tumnus can stay the night, if he likes, but in the morning he has to go."


	3. Admission

The elder Pevensies rose to begin cleaning up, and I siezed the opportunity to enter the room. King Edmund had remained seated, looking forlorn. I approached him and said quietly, "Thank you for defending me, Your Highness. It means a great deal to me."

He looked up at me. "Did you hear all of that?"

"I heard enough. But, if I may ask, how come you don't want your sister to stay?"  
Standing up, he replied, "It isn't that I want her to leave, Tumnus, but you heard me--she isn't happy here. She's only happy with you." With that, King Edmund turned and began walking away. "By the way, Tumnus, not to appear rude, but please make no futher reference to our being 'kings' or 'queens'. We're not anymore."

As I gathered the few remaining gifts, I pondered all that I had recently heard and been told. The Beavers had begged me not to wish for Lucy's return, and for good reasons. I knew they didn't want to see me get hurt if things didn't work out. Peter and Susan wanted Lucy to remain where she was, because she "belonged" there. Edmund, on the other hand, said she was only content to be with me, which led to only one conclusion: Lucy loved me. And though that realization did cause my heart to race, it was quickly proceeded by another thought. No matter how much I cared for her and wanted her to return to Narnia with me, somehow I just couldn't take her away from her family. It may have been Lucy's birthday in her world, but in Narnia it was Christmas, and Christmas was about being unselfish.

I rejoined Lucy in her bedroom, and I silently watched her as she showed all of her gifts to Rupert. After a few moments, I set down what I was carrying and cleared my throat. "Can we talk?"

Lucy turned and beamed at me, but her smile faded when she noticed that I wasn't smiling back. "Mr. Tumnus, what's wrong?"

I sat down beside my young friend on her bed. I watched her as she quickly studied my face. Several thoughts were running through my mind, and I wasn't sure where to begin, so I just went straight to the heart of the matter. "Lucy, when I arrived today, I had every intention of taking you back with me to Narnia. But I've just finished talking with Edmund, and I can't do that to you, or your family. In talking with your brother, I realized that you need to be with them." I swallowed hard, and watched as tears began to trickle down her face. Before I was able to continue, Lucy wrapped her small arms around my neck.

"Please don't leave me, Mr. Tumnus. I tried to get back to you, but the wardrobe wouldn't let me. I don't know how you managed to find your way here, but this has been the best birthday I've ever had. It's been absolutely miserable without you. Don't go, Mr. Tumnus. Please take me back to Narnia."

Hearing her pleading this way nearly broke my heart. It wasn't enough to make me change my mind, but it did cause tears to flow down my own cheeks. I pulled her away and looked her squarely in the eyes. "Try to understand that I'm not doing this to hurt you. I love you, Lucy Pevensie, and I want what's best for you, and what's best for you is to stay here with your family. And if it makes you feel any better, I don't enjoy having to tell you this."

I realized what I had just said, and as I turned my head away, she reached up and pulled it back. "You--you love me?"

I inhaled and slowly let it out. "More than you will ever know. I can't be selfish, Lucy. Your brothers and sister need you, too. Now, I'll stay for the night, but first thing tomorrow morning I have to get back."

Lucy sniffed. "But what about...what about us?"

"I promise you, no matter what happens, you will always be my one true Queen. I'll never forget you, Lucy."

Her arms went back around my neck. "Nor I you. I love you, Mr. Tumnus." With that, she kissed me on the cheek. "Here. I want you to take Rupert."

Lucy placed her teddy bear in my hands, and I gazed at him before asking, "Are you sure? He was given to you by your father."

"I know, but now I want you to have him. That way, whenever you're lonely, you'll have something of mine to make you feel better."

She had barely finished her sentence when she yawned. "I think I should go to bed. You _are_ spending the night, aren't you, Mr. Tumnus?"

I nodded. "If you'd like."

"Yes, please do."

So, with Rupert now in my possession. I found myself sharing a room with Edmund.

"I can't believe you did that, Tumnus. I mean, you love Lucy, don't you?" he asked, just before turning the light out.

Nodding, I responded, "I do, but I finally understood that as long as we don't forget each other, we'll never truly be apart. As your sister gets older, I hope she comes to realize it, too."

Edmund and I bid one another good night, and as I drifted off to sleep, dreams of Lucy filled the night.


	4. Christmas Day

I was drawn out of a deep sleep the following morning by the sound of scuffling feet. Not wanting to dispose of blissful fantasies of Lucy and myself, I sighed and rolled over, careful to avoid landing on Rupert. What woke me completely up was the fact that Rupert was not by my side, as he had been the night before. I opened my eyes to find him, and what I saw was not the bedroom I'd spent the night in. In fact, it was my own bedroom.

_No, no, no, no, no. This can't be happening. It isn't possible. No--I can't believe it happened a second time!! Once again, she's gone, and I wasn't given a chance to say goodbye._

Covering my face with my pillow, I allowed the tears to fall, and my heart began to break. I had lost Lucy forever, and I didn't even have her teddy to make me feel better.

Eventually I heard my bedroom door open, and I felt a small, furry paw on my bare back. "Tumnus, are you all right?"

I slightly turned my head to look at Mrs. Beaver. "She's gone," I whispered between sobs. "Lucy's gone, and I can never get her back."

"What? Dear, I'm afraid I don't understand. She's been gone for months, and I've never seen you this shaken."

Reaching for my handkerchief, I sniffed. "I saw her. I spent the entire day with her yesterday. Didn't you notice that I wasn't here? I found her, and we celebrated her birthday."

Mrs. Beaver began shaking her head. "Tumnus, you couldn't have been with Lucy, because you were here with us yesterday. Today is Christmas. You must have been dreaming. I'm sorry, dear. Come, try to take your mind off of Lucy for just one day, and spend the time with us."

As the day wore on, I came to fully understand what Lucy had felt after she had returned home, without me by her side. I found the finality of my relationship with Lucy to be nearly devastating, and I felt more lonely than I ever had before.

When the sun began to set, Mr. Beaver declared that they needed to be on their way home. He opened the front door, but rather than going forward, he started to back up. "Mr. Beaver, is everything all right?" I queried.

"Looks like Father Christmas overlooked a gift when he was delivering presents last night." He handed me a small bag. On the handle was a note: _I hope this helps you feel better._

Confused, I opened the bag and removed its contents...a small teddy bear that was missing an eye and some patches of fur. "Rupert!" I cried in a low voice.

Mr. Beaver looked up at me. "Tumnus...um, what happened to that stuffed animal?"

"Would you care for me to mend it for you, dear?" his wife asked.

I shook my head negatively. "No, thank you. He's perfect, just as he is. I wouldn't have him any other way."

As the Beavers left my humble home, I looked out my window. "Thank you, Father Christmas. Rupert is exactly what I needed."

I crawled into bed half an hour later and slept soundly that night, knowing that as long as I had Queen Lucy's teddy bear by my side, I would never be completely alone.


End file.
